At the crisp age of 32 I’ve found myself trying to find my flow. By flow I mean finding a balance of me, how I feel, how I perceive things, what I hold on to, what I release. Just a flow. When I think of a flow I think of water..still waters. Waters that just are. Waters that don’t crash too hard on the shore. But waves that are just right..free flowing but with purpose. I’ve spent years caught between extremes either feeling everything too deeply or guarding myself behind walls built too high. I’m trying to find my balance of things.
Life calls for tenderness, but it also calls for strength. Some days, I feel the weight of the world and my heart aches for people, moments lost, for dreams delayed, plans on hold. Other days, I catch myself cold and distant, protecting myself from disappointment. But neither of those places feel like balance.
My flow has to be somewhere in between…
I’m learning that I can cry and still be strong. I can set boundaries and still love. Boundaries don’t mean sever. Just like how roads have guardrails boundaries are guardrails for our mental and spiritual. Without that guardrail different things veer off into areas that they were not meant to occupy. Not only does that guardrail protect drivers but it protects property. It prevents falls and shields against collisions. Without boundaries (guardrails) pieces of us get damaged that were never meant to be exposed. I can set boundaries and still love without feeling bad. I’m still learning that I can feel deeply without drowning and stand firm without becoming stone.
This balance doesn’t come naturally. Some days, I lean too soft and other days I lean too hard. But in the grace of God, I am reminded that:
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul. Psalm 23:1-3
Quiet waters..peaceful, steady, calm. That’s the flow I pursue.
I want to choose grace over guilt, softness over shame, and strength for self-protection.
This verse paints a picture of peace. God, the gentle Shepherd, guiding us away from chaos and into calm. Notice the words: “makes me lie down,” “leads me,” “refreshes my soul.”
It’s not about striving. It’s not about forcing ourselves to be strong or shutting down our hearts. It’s about letting God lead us into a rhythm or balance of sorts.
In my life, my emotions sometimes feel like a wild river—rushing, crashing, unpredictable. Other times, my heart feels like a desert, dry and guarded. But God promises still waters.
Still waters don’t erase our feelings; they steady them. They calm our racing thoughts. They wash over our tired hearts with peace.
When I let Him lead me, I don’t have to figure out how to be “just right” emotionally. He restores what feels broken. He is teaching me when to feel deeply and when to rest.
The flow I’m learning is not my own doing..it’s God’s grace leading me there, gently and patiently. I’m still learning to trust the process, to pause when He says pause, and to move when He says move.
So if your flow feels off maybe it’s time to let the Shepherd lead you beside those still waters. Let Him restore you. Balance will follow. 🌿🌊
Have you been wrestling with finding your balance? It’s never too late to discover who you truly are beyond hurt, pain, shame, and guilt. You’re not alone. Let’s walk this journey of becoming rooted in love, steady in grace, and beautifully in flow. We got this and He got us! Roses grow through stages..this is just one. Keep blooming.🌹
